At the moment I am sort of in a time bubble. Ben is leaving soon to uni and we enjoy the last three weeks together. It’s like we both would hold our breath. He is hardly leaving the house, mainly sitting in front of his computer, engrossed in his game. I try to imagine how it will be, when he has left and nobody is coming home late nights or is at home when I arrive from somewhere. Painful in a way- and rather threatening.
Life will the therefore change very soon in a very profound way. Since I still fight for maintenance it becomes clear that I need to get a job, otherwise I won’t be able to pay my bills. Another threatening fact. I try not to panic and to stay positive. My morning walks with Balu are quite helpful in this regard. Fresh air and exercise early in the morning are quite uplifting and everything is still so quiet and peaceful. the river, the park..I am so lucky to life so close and I really hope that I can afford this in the future as well.
In two weeks my training as a psychotherapist will start and I am very excited about this and looking forward to it very much. It will be the foundation to my new career which will empower me not only financially. But at the moment my days are quiet. I have space to catch my breath, to sooth my fears, to mourn a part of my motherhood- try to let my son go out into the world, my family life, my life as a wife. Nothing is so persistent as change. So the hard times will finally end- and I’ll made it. Being a new person, with a completely different life. One I did not expect though.